..... since I've blogged.
A really long while. This is how it looked outside last time (in the fall).
About a year ago, because my oldest daughter was graduating, and because I wanted to be more present, I pulled out my camera less and opened my heart up more. I do not regret in any way all the photos and memories I have captured through the years, but I did not want to miss being in close contact with each family member over the last year. Don't get me wrong, I still took pictures for the most important things, and it seems I still walked away with a ton of photos in general.
Then we sent her off to college, and I found myself ironically having less time to do my blogging. I thought I would have more time with one less child at home, but somehow the time gets filled up with other things. A million things it seems. And my youngest daughter needed me looking her in the eye on Sunday nights rather than my eyes locked on a computer screen.
So over the last year I went from blogging weekly, to blogging monthly, to not blogging for over 6 months.
Blogging, to me, is a form of family history recording. I slurp my blog entries into Blurb every so often, and then I've got a detailed "scrapbook" that I didn't have to, well---
scrapbook! I am starting to miss recording my family history, so I am going to try to catch up with the last 6 months and see if I can find a way to update regularly again. Family history is so important to me.... photos of precious children and family, memories that I might otherwise forget, important dates and circumstances that shaped me and influenced my family to be who we are. I don't want to forget those things. So I continue forth with that prayer and purpose in mind.
I'm just going to pick up where I left off.... dropping off my oldest at school. It was the hardest and most tender and most wonderful thing all rolled in to one that took an entire year to prepare for. Really, I think it took her entire life time, because I think the whole life or raising children is really meant for teaching them each day who they are, what they are good at, and about their potential. We are preparing them to leave, to become productive and good adults, with eternal goals in mind to return together as an eternal family to a loving Father in Heaven.
The day we left, we were all crying and hugging and missing her, and then that led into adjusting those first few weeks and yes, even months. It took me about 4 months to finally feel that we were all where we were supposed to be. Each of our family members, even though there was distance, was accomplishing what they were designed to do. It was something I knew all along, but it was finally something I could also FEEL at this point. It was a wonderful and happy and reassuring feeling.
Then the next day,
the VERY next day, my oldest daughter announced she wanted to go on a mission for our church. Missions for girls last for 18 months. I experienced feeling content and comfortable for just one day before her announcement came! And yes, I felt proud of her for her decision to serve, to sacrifice, to take a leap of faith and commit herself to something profound and huge for 18 months. But I knew it wouldn't be completely easy and that we would miss her. But again, with time and this time much quicker, peace ensued, and I felt this was the Lord's plan for her.
Back to dropping her off. We left her with Grandma and Grandpa for about 2 weeks before school began because her school starts late, and it was the only way we could all be there together to say good-bye. So Grandma and Grandpa not only took her in for 2 weeks and fed and housed her so kindly, but they initiated her into Idaho. She took part in everything from harvesting their humongous garden, to canning it and making jam and sorting huge orders of peaches and pears and canning those as well. She got to work out everyday at The Apple. She learned to drive a stick shift with her aunt and uncle who let her use the car for 3 weeks, and she also babysit quite a few times for them. She visited Ogden, Utah and went to the Temple Open House with grandparents and great-grandma and great-great-aunt who is over 100 years old. She also stopped in Logan to visit another Aunt and cousins. She attended the little County Fair that is a big deal in Idaho, but soooo much smaller than the Minnesota State Fair that can reach 1 million visitors in one day. She made a blanket and college apartment decor. She had her own little adventures each day setting out her own routine and learning a little independence. Grandma and Grandpa helped her get settled into her apartment and we appreciated the love and care they gave her during that transition from home and a very new way of life at a gentler pace in Idaho.
Here at home, I felt like I was missing an appendage for a while. At first it was pretty severe and I ached inside. I could hardly grocery shop, everything I looked at reminded me of her and I never realized how mindful I was of each family member as I shop thinking about their likes and needs. At the dinner table it felt as if there was a huge void. I felt like something was missing. My two girls were two peas in a pod. And I quickly realized my daughters are 2 of my best friends, so having her gone was like taking one of my best friends away. I felt grief and I was mourning. I didn't only miss her, I missed our little family of four and knew that those golden years of a house full of young children was done and was now a precious part of our past history. Texting and phone calls and Sunday Face Time saved me! I am so grateful she was so willing to share her new life with me.
My husband and I found that we were having new adventures with our younger daughter still at home. She was able to blossom in her own way and discover who she was without a sister around, just as my oldest was discovering who she was without us there all the time. The good news is, we are all still so very connected to each other. Our hearts are knit together in unity and love, and we find ways to stay in touch and our relationships continue to grow. I do love that aspect of letting our kids spread their wings. It is exciting to see everyone learn and experience new things.
Here she is in her apartment:
We all cried and hugged quite a bit on the morning that we said good-bye and 3 of us departed for Minnesota. It was so strange looking back and not finding her in her spot in the car and having our youngest go solo back there. I put on a brave face for a few hours. We were 3 hours into our trip just coming out of the mountains into Bozeman, when we hit a dear! The scariest part was there was a semi-truck behind us and one coming towards us so there was no choice except to hit it. It hit my side of the vehicle so it threw me back a bit (and I did end up needing to get treated for about a month for that). We got out and found the front end was banged up and leaking fuel. Miracles of all miracles was there was a Honda Shop within just a few miles of that remote area. But we had to leave our vehicle for a month in Montana and we rented a minivan to finish our 2 day journey home. A big transport trailer had to deliver the car to us after it was repaired. I have to admit that was somewhat unsettling to leave our daughter then have that happen. But we were all safe, and for that I was grateful.
In the meantime, both girl's had their first days of school. J as a college freshman, and L as high school sophomore.
And how did we move forward in life? We put one foot in front of the other and did what we had to do each day. The girls of course were quickly finding fun with friends and the things they loved to do, like wear boots that she saved long and hard for with her roommates (J), and have carefree moments at home with friends (L).
And here at home with L, we have learned that whenever we have free time on a weekend, she chooses to go on some sort of a little hike, or do something outside, and she loves to take pictures of friends, nature, and the animals.
